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Growth

“There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance

Posting on this blog has been a irregular action. Only when I reach a new understanding, feeling, or motives in my life, is when I truly express my emotions.

The above quote is by one of my favorite thinkers. One who founded the ways of many Transcendentalists to come.

I have followed these words carefully, though have not achieved this mindset in the quote. With the insight of this perspective I find I have improved my life.

Recently, I received a promotion at my workplace. I have not celebrated. Deep down I am full of joy, yet another side in that deep end is fully numb.

I cannot feel. The joy is drowned by distractions. The peace is overthrown by blinding imitation, Trying to fit into a place that was once of a king. Where respect was shown in a different light.

My full dedication is now based on the foundation left for myself to keep. Changing any pieces will end up breaking the most fragile object. And no one like breaking fragile objects. Fragile object are fragile for a reason, to be taken care of in a special way or form. Like my heart, it is placed in a secure location to stay fragile and not be broken by change of love and all of what this cruel mind has to offer.

This does not make any sense but it does. Because my mind is telling my heart that is has a meaning and a type of purpose in which make me feel somewhat fulfilled or proud of what I am.

I will not post this. It shows too much of my strength and weakness.
Maybe I will read this later and have the courage to post.

I want to feel Alive.
I do, but I don’t.

Update, I had the courage. I want people to see how I have grown. How I think. Maybe I will guide someone’s growth in any form of life.

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